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HollsRenee
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Name: Holly
Country: United States
State: Ohio
Gender: Female
Interests: Gardening, coffee, dogs, traveling, television, fashion, music, arts & crafts (home decor), reading, children's & adolescent lit., cooking/baking
Expertise: using 100 words when 20 will do
Occupation: Education/training
Industry: Other
Message: message meEmail: email me
Member Since:
5/28/2003
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| I have started thinking about heaven a lot lately which may seem morbid/unusual/odd but, whatever. Francis Chan says that people who truly love God are also excited about heaven, so I guess it's a good thing. Also, it has been almost a year since my grandpa died, so I guess these thoughts and this date are connected.
I used to think about heaven as a place where everyone spends the entire time worshipping God and this idea used to concern me. I thought worshipping God and being "in church" were one in the same. While I liked church and I liked worshipping God, no one wants to spend thousands upon thousands of years crammed next to a stranger on a wooden pew, waiting to go to lunch. Also, my "church shoes" tend to get really, really uncomfortable by the end of the day...let alone by the end of the millennium. So, I loved God, and I wanted to go to heaven, but I didn't want to spend eternity in church.
....Conundrum.....
I have wrestled with this idea for longer than I'd like to admit. Well into my years of adulthood...and then I started thinking about the word *worship*.
There are hundreds upon thousands of ways to worship God. I think my most powerful times of worship come from times spent surrounded by nature and also around people (and dogs) that I love. Maybe I will spend a thousand years in heaven, perched on an iceberg, sipping a latte and watching the polar bears. Sweet Heather Marie really loves polar bears. I think she'll want to do that, too.
Sometimes, when I am magically running 5 minutes early, I'll find the only corner of our bed that hasn't been overrun by my handsome husband and two furry dogs. I'll slip back in for a last minute cuddle and recite a few Little Kid Prayers...you know the ones... "Thank you for my husband....thank you for my job...thank you for my dogs....."
And I think THIS is worship. Maybe there is neighborhood in heaven dedicated entirely to wearing pajamas and napping in warm, dark rooms with no windows. Maybe our to-do lists will read something like- Starting Today : spend the next 400 years napping.
Count me in.
So, maybe you are reading this and you think I'm crazy or you don't believe in heaven, and that's okay. I'm down with that. We're cool. But I do encourage you to take a longer look...a deeper look. Keep your eyes and your heart open to the idea that there could be something else out there. Maybe we don't just turn to nothing. Maybe we are destined spend our time on earth loving people and then die....and spend eternity eating ice cream.
My Best to you.
Love, H.
P.S. For more ideas about Heaven...I'd suggest reading anything by Donald Miller. He's got some really great ideas about The Afterlife. | | |
| Well, as promised, I have returned with the letter i. Dear Goodness, it feels good.
Last week, I listed a few topics to be discussed in the future. However, the moment has passed so I'll make it snappy. Here they are, in no particular order. There are only three so I trust you can keep track.
Numero Uno
For those of you who don't know, Jessica Watson is a 16 year old Australian Girl who set sail this month in an attempt to become the youngest person to sail around the world and the first female since the late 80's. She is traveling around the globe in a pink sailboat.
And she wants to be taken seriously.
So, while I'm all up for adventure combined with fun colors, I think it's dumb. I wish her the best, but I think she should be in school. 16 is way way way way way too young to spend 8 months alone in the middle of the ocean. I don't think it is so much a matter of talent and ability. I'm sure she knows her way around the Covey Crump, but it is more about responsible parenting. Teenagers' brains are still developing. They are still learning how to problem-solve...how to deal with their emotions. They need affection. They need support and guidance. That's not something you can easily receive on a boat by yourself.
Deux
One of the things I am most looking forward to about heaven is having 20/20 vision. My vision is bad enough to require contacts (I heart them!) but not so bad that I always remember to put them in every morning. Sometimes I am all...hurry...hurry...get to the car....notice that the numbers on the dashboard are blurry...Rats...I forgot my contacts.
I want fabulous eyesight in heaven, and I think I'll probably get it.
Number III. Richard Heene, father of the balloon boy, has been known to write his own television theme songs. I have a love/hate relationship with the one for the show entitled "The Psyience Detective." Take a gander ( I heart google).
http://www.tmz.com/2009/10/20/richard-heene-balloon-boy-reality-show-theme-music/
I guarantee you will be humming it for the rest of the day, if not for the rest of your life. My condolences.
I planted a teeny tiny herb garden in our kitchen window sill. I think I am one of those people who always has to have something green in the works, be it a 2 and 1/2 foot tomato plant or a sweet basil sprout.
Parsley, Basil, Parsley. Yum-o.
I try not to write about work on here. Teaching is something I take very seriously, and I am savvy enough to know that my line of work comes with a lot of cards I have to keep close to my chest.
With that being said, I think it IS safe to tell you that I LOVE my job. I have always *liked* teaching. I work with some fantasticly sweet people, and I have an intense passion for reading and literacy. However, this is year...I LOVE my job.
I think every once in awhile, the planets align and you end up with this really great mix of kiddos who are all pretty low key and have similar personalities and just...get along. Magic. Karma. Fate. Welcome to Room 118. :) I don't know how long it will last or what the future holds, but I do know that tomorrow is Monday, and by the grace of God, I am able to face it with a Venti chai-tea latte, 1%, 3 splenda and a smile.
I hope you are, too.
Love, H. | | |
| So, a major d!scla!mer.
My keyboard sucks.
That's r!ght. l used the S word. l am m!ss!ng a letter but who cares.
l am antsy to type and l've m!ssed you. L!ke m!ssed you, m!ssed you. The k!nd of feel!ng you say tw!ce, r!ght?
So, ! am try!ng th!s new "MUFA" d!et...you should look !t up. ! am cur!ous to see !f anyone has tr!ed !t...? Thoughts?
Lots of "good fats"
@ avacados
@ peanut butter
@ dark chocolate
@ Nuts!
@ o!l (sunflower, canola, grapeseed)
Also made "sassy water" and now my hands smell l!ke cucumbers.
add that to some m!nt leaves, g!nger and a l!ttle b!t of h2o.
l fear !t w!ll be gross.
T!me w!ll tell.
Some days are better than others....wh!le my pants are no more "room!er" l am st!ll very exc!ted about cont!nu!ng to make some much-needed changes. Ah. The pursu!t of heal!ng. All good th!ngs.
Some top!cs to ant!c!pate?
@ what ! am most look!ng forward to about heaven
@ some thoughts on Jess Watson & ella's p!nk Lady (shark ba!t? let's hope not)
@ lyr!cs to my own show's theme song wr!tten by R!chard Heene
Was any of that funny?
Much love and no letter eye,
H.
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| A thesaurus? Yes. Please.
Dear Goodness. Come in. You're going to have to pour your own coffee, cause I don't think I can muster the strength to get it for you this time around.
If you are involved in my life or reading Facebook at all, then by now you know my hard drive crashed. It is a great loss. I didn't have anything backed up...at all.
I honestly thought this was only something that happened to people in movies, and I am being dead serious about that. Kind of like those Lifetime movies where the woman's car gets hijacked and the criminal ends up being her long, lost twin from her mother's affair in Borneo. I thought it was kind of like that.
Sometimes I am surprised by how NOT devastated I am...and sometimes it's the other way around, right?
It's like, I think I'll be fine and then I remember something that was on *there* and then it feels like someone has just punched me in the face.
i.e. The first picture of Tim & I as a "couple" We are both wearing green for St. Patrick's Day. He is kissing my cheek, and I am laughing with my nose all scrunched up.
I started a letter to our kids.
I wrote a really touching piece about my mom.
All the pictures of Scarlett as a puppy.
See? POW! BANG! KA-BLAM!
It smarts, doesn't it?
And, yes. I had started a book. An entire summer of good writing. Wasted. It's about a college student who still lives at home with her parents and she's got this really great, organized life and then it just kind of...unravels.
Her name is Hannah (so far), and I miss her, which is weird. She has grown into someone who is just really vulnerable and honest. She's got all these ridiculous flaws, but they're real flaws, and they're not even really her fault so she is figuring out a way to stop apologizing for them, and I really dig that. She has a menacing and occasional stutter and accidentally breaks her bathroom door while trying to do yoga in the shower; an ill-fated attempt to ward off a nervous breakdown.
She's a lot like me...actually.
Tim is adorable. He is sympathetic and protective. He keeps asking people for advice- How to save a hard drive-and saying, "Her book is on there." And it's cute, but I cringe everytime he says it, as if he is telling people, "Her secret recipe for magic flying potion is saved on that hard drive." or "Now, she's lost her love letter to Sufjan Stevens." (Neither of which really WERE on that hard-drive, by the way. I mean, hello- if I'm going to write a letter to SS, it is way more romantic and personal in handwriting anyway).
I feel as if, telling people I want to be a writer is a lot like a five year old declaring she wants to be a cowgirl or a princess. The jaded, almost-30-year-old in me wants to say, "Um, hello- that's not even a real job." But obviously, we don't say that to tiny little girls, the same way people don't say that to Big-Girl-Aspiring-Writers. We often just get the response, "She lost her book? Oh, dude that sucks." Which is helpful. Really.
I just keep saying to people, "I mean, what do you do?" And they always take it as a rhetorical but literally,
WHAT DO YOU DO? Is there some sort of support group for this, cause there really otta-should be.
And I know this is weird, like- super-weird. And I know I have touched on this before, but...
it feels like Grandpa Kenneth has died all over again.
Weird, right?
There should be some kind of scientific study on how one loss can make us revert to the feelings we had for another. It has almost been a year since he's passed and I wonder if it is weird how much I STILL think about/wonder about/miss him. I have dreams about him...probably once a week.
I just keep trying to decide what he would say.
I think he would say, "Holly-Dolly, you can't take it to Heaven with you."
And he's right.
I keep saying, "There are worse things in life." And it's true.
Let's talk about something else, shall we?
Let's talk about how much I love my dogs. Truly. Tiny miracles with fur. I would include pictures...but I have none. Just picture adorable-ness mixed with kisses and wrapped in hugs. ((haha))
I feel sorry for people who are sick and alone. I wish I could take my dogs to someone who has cancer. I know there are "therapy dogs" but there is no way The Wonder Hound will ever be well-mannered enough for that line of work. That would be like sending Britney Spears to A Nunnery. Noel is so kind, but she's nervous. I think she would provide comfort to other people at the sacrifice of her own sense of security, and that's just not a compromise I'm willing to make.
So they are ours to enjoy for now. I once read that every dog you have ever known is waiting for you when you get to Heaven, and I think that's really sweet and oh-so-true. It's like, all day I have had this image of waking up at the foot of a big, green hill, and those two crazy dogs running towards me; panting with their hair all wild and I know someday I want in on that action.
Wishing you Love & Healthy Hard Drives, H.
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| I was taking a bubble bath the other day thinking about how having a summer break can make you much more self-indulgent. You end up taking so many leisurely things for granted. Like, all day on Thursday I totally looked forward to coming home, making spaghetti, and watching a movie with Tim. I don't think I enjoy the relaxation as much in the summer because it's like, “Okay, I have done this all day...and I can do it all day tomorrow if I'd like.” It loses some of it's appeal. Like eating too much candy. I'm not complaining. Just noticing things and then not explaining those things in a coherent manner. In true teacher fashion, I ask, please comment if you think you can explain it better. :)
But I wonder if that is what it's like to have a baby. If you enjoy your free time with your husband and with yourself SO much more because you rarely end up getting it in the end.
On that note, this is the first year I have ever felt like I could function with a student teacher if I had one...or a baby if I had one of those too. I am less panicked. I am not so overwhelmed. I am more at peace. I am much more organized. In years past, that thought would have totally sent me over a cliff. In my recent attempts to get more healthy and organized, I realize how much I am prone to moving towards extremes. Either I am counting calories down to the breath mint or I am eating leftover cake for breakfast. Sometimes, I am all, “...just throw it on the dining room table...” and then there are seasons when I find myself saying things like, “Why is this can of peas on this shelf? Don't you know that c comes before p? Where is the corn?”
Okay, not really...but kind of. Yes. So much of it is simply about my crazy need to feel "in control" and it must be maddening to live with. Poor TGY.
And I know I will finally be at peace with my organizational skills and my laundry and my body and then...we will have a baby and pretty much have to start all over again, on not enough sleep, no less.
I just find it frustrating because for a long time, I was one of very few single women in their 20's in terms of my circle of friends. Now that I am married it seems as if everyone I know is having babies or at least trying to have babies.
I know life is not about “keeping up” but it does sometimes seem that way, doesn't it?
I have a crippling (and somewhat irrational) fear of having a baby. I wouldn't call it a fear as much as a simple and absolute lack of interest. I dig kids. I do. I like a good slobber-filled-baby-powder-cuddle every once in a while, but I have never been one of those women who “just wanted to be a mom.” Not that there is anything wrong with that. My mom is one of those women and she is amazing. I have however, known that I wanted to stay home with my kids if and when I ever had them. I pray for that sometimes, actually a lot of times, which is probably weird given my total indifference to babies right now. Lord willing, we'll be able to make it happen. I just think that right now, convincing me to have a baby would be like convincing a college kid to get a dog. Other people can tell you how amazing it is. How awe-inspiring. How fulfilling. They can let you hold their baby or pet their dog or feed their cat or whatever, but if you just aren't interested in that kind of commitment, and you get the crazy dog anyway then, well, no one really wins in the end.
Sometimes, I don't think I should be this honest. If you've read me for awhile then you know that is always my struggle on here. Like, what if- 15 years from now, people look at my kid and say, “Dude, I read your mom's blog and she totally didn't want you all those years ago.” And then they'll fly off in their outerspace hovercraft (cause you totally know that stuff will happen by then). I would just- feel bad. But I figure it is better to say, “Dude, I waited until I wanted you so badly I couldn't stand it.” Than, “Sorry we forgot to pick you up from soccer practice. We are too exhausted and distracted cause we had you too soon because, you know, all our friends were doing it.”
Don't worry, we won't call our kid “dude.” At least, I probably won't.
And I don't want to share my husband. I know that sounds stupid, but I'm just not ready to share him with something tiny and precious and slightly more adorable than I am.
Anyway.
It will all come together eventually. I remember a time when I was totally disinterested in getting married and look where I am. Signed, sealed, delivered, I'm yours, and wouldn't want it any other way.
Despite all this, I do feel myself moving towards more positive places. More peace and less clutter. More long walks, less chocolate. Call it healing, call it karma, call it whatever. It's also a God Thing, I suppose and I feel it's intensity more and more everyday.
Autumn is just around the corner. Tell it I said hello if you spy it first.
My best to you, H. | | |
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